Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
