so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I want to fling myself into the sun
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
