That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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