So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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