bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
