Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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