Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
