Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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