There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
