I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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