lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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