the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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