All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
