I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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