i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
