Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
