i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
