Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
