I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
