Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
