That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
