my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
