Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
