I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
