those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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