My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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