Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
