i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize