i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
