I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
