No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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