Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
