All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
