I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
