hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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