i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
