He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
