Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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