I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
