they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
