so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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