btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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