After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
