enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
