Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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