cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
