Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
