first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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