I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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