Do you still have your period?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
