I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im holly from the hills drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
