This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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