I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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