What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
