she was so not down for the gang bang
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
