IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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