Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
