Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
