Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
