btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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