Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
