i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My feet surprised me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
