did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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