Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
