I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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