you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
