chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
