Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no, he came in my armpit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
