I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
