OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
