Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
