I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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