he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
