she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As shirtless as possible
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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