okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
