My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
